Lamar Odom, nine-foot scrotum, Deals with the big one, thought she blowed him. Bats in the belfry, birds and the bees, Six ho-ass Jenners down on their knees. Kanye West, big fat chest, Likes the big one, she's the best. Played for the Clippers, played for the Mav's. John Stockton played for the Jazz. I got traded from Karl Malone. Scott my Disick or leave me alone. Orange Juice Simpson is the big one's dad. Ask Jack Cowling, don't make me mad. One potato, two potato, Rob potato, four. Hot potato, fat potato, seven potato, score. Blac Chyna, big fat chest. Likes the big one, he's the best. Dennis Rodman: Pistons and Bulls. Lamar Odom: Pissed his own balls. I got traded from Karl Malone. Scott my Disick or leave me alone. Red Rover, Red Rover, make that push. Redd Foxx came after Reggie Bush. Big Mama loved Sanford's son. Sleepin' by the trash not so fun. Lamont to Lamar, way out west. This is the big one, hashtag best. Junkyard music take me home. Scott my Disick or leave me alone.

Heather's hair was bleach-blonde and black, her bangs never touched her face. She was the toughest chick in our school, her boots were draped in lace. Her boyfriend Buck had the biggest dick, she blew him in the gym. He flunked out three years before, but the teachers were afraid of him. Heather's IROC was fuckin' fast and she ran down my neighbor's son. She told him she'd kill him if he told anyone. Heather was queen of the school when metal dudes ruled the earth. Bill's teeth were rotten green and he punched people he didn't know. He shit inside the th'rd floor sink while puffing on a crow. He blew up his locker with an M-80 he bought from his dad. He ripped apart his Maiden poster which made him fuckin' mad. Bill's dad was really tough, he did 15 years upstate. For beating up the Glee Club and setting them fuckers straight. Bill's dad beat up the principal with a pair of wooden sticks. Bill really scored big time with all the metal chicks. Bill and his dad were kings of the school when metal dudes ruled the earth.

Stop where you stare. Pull down you ears. Then stick out you tongue. Now show me your hands. I said show me your hands. Yeah that's how it goes, I said show me those hands. Body checkin', body, body checkin'. Let's get to the good stuff. Now lift your bag. Oh pull up your bra. Now spread your eagles. Yeah that's not all. Body checkin', body body checkin'. Do they ever shit on the floor? Yes they shit on the floor. Now squat. Now squat. Now squat. Now squat. I got my eye on you, I said hold that squat. Body checkin', body body checkin'.

(air filtration) Won't you come to my apocalypse den? (clean water) Y2K made me want to stay. Hope the economy tanks real soon, (canned food supply) 'cause it's a great place to get away. We can have an asteroid. (three-ply toilet paper) We can have a tsunami. (stacks of cash) We can have a safe place too. (ribbed condoms) Play me them pandemic blues. I can't promise no fallout That's got all the comforts of home. This living, it ain't for free babe, Better than being all alone...question mark. We can have an EMP, (box of comic books) We can have World War III. (no escape) Poleshifter, an earthquake babe (you'll get used to me) Play me them pandemic blues. You're about to see how dark it gets Living life underground. Poleshifter, an earthquake babe Play me them pandemic blues.

So I go the Carlisle Wal-Mart to get two new front tires. I go to talk to the lady. She makes me wait for like ten minutes. Then this dude comes out of the back and he's like I'll take you in the back so I go in the back with the dude and he takes down all my information and he can't get the computer to work right. And he keeps bitching it's the computer's fault, but I know it's his. He just don't know what he's doing. So I give him all my information. He takes every bit of it down then he tells me there's a two-and-a-half hour wait. I'm like awe man I'm on my lunch break. It sucks. I'm like, well, I don't have any sick time so I guess I'm not gonna call in and tell 'em that. So I'm like alright I'll just come back tomorrow. I'm like you have my information, I'll just come back. He's like yeah, it's all in here. So I go back the next fuckin' day and the same guy's there and I'm like listen I came in to see you yesterday I wanna get these tires and uh you took all my information down. He asked me what my name and I tell him his my name. He's like I don't have you I'm gonna need to take down all your information. So he gives me to this other chick. She doesn't know what she's doing. And then she takes down my information. Then she's like what's the tire size? I'm like the dude took it yesterday. I don't know what it is. They're like 15 or 16 inch. Whatever goes with that car. It's a Cobalt, what's the difference? She's like well I need to know. So I go out to my car. I come back and the guy who was in front of me behind me in line ends up in front of me in line and then two other people go and nobody acknowledges me. I'm like hey I went to get my tire size. Do you want it? I gotta get going. I'm like kind of in a hurry. And they're like uh what's the tire size? I'm like well, I told you yesterday, but I'll tell you again: 250/5034R16330G752T Winterized. Yeah I sorta do remember you from yesterday a little bit man. Uh yeah I was in the back office with you. I was the only one in the back office. Yeah I guess I do remember that. We don't have anybody else today. We're not taking anyone else, I mean, so just come back tomorrow. I'm like alright I'll come in around 4. Is that alright? Yeah that's fine. So I come in the next day at 4. I'm like hey I'm here about those 2 front tires. He's like what's your name. Give him my name. Like I was here yesterday you have my name in the thing. I don't have it man. I don't know what happened to it. I'm like dude I gave you the information for the last two days. I told you I'm coming up today. Why isn't my car ready to go? He's like well just go out and get the tire size. I go out and I look on the tire: 250/5034R163306752T Winterized. I go back in. Two people in front of me in line. Can't believe this. White people. White people. Another thing is they go out in the water when there's sharks and the sharks bite 'em and then they're wondering well what happened. Well if you read the sign and stayed the fuck out of the water you wouldn't have got bit by the shark in the first place. White people. You know they're always gettin' foreign nannies to watch their white kids. White people. Another thing is they go on these vacations right after they get married and they take their spouse and they push them off the cliff. Whole thing was planned out from the beginning. Before they were even married. And they said I don't know, I don't know, they slipped. Who does that? White people. White people. White people. Again, white people.

Why you had to break my heart, I will never understand. You are addicted to speeders and too nervous to hold my hand. And now I'm topless smoking cigarettes and I am in so much pain, Why is it that I feel like a meatball hoagie in the rain?